Something beautiful

Something happened to me yesterday. Something wonderful. Something that made me fall in love with myself, my life, and my marriage.

Life just clicked into place.

I can't describe how it came about, but I walked to work like I owned the world. Like I owned the city. Like I didn't give a shit about anyone else except my family, myself, and my life. My usual annoyances of life over here have disappeared, my confidence and my true rock and roll self have emerged. Is it temporary? Who knows, I don't really feel like questioning it.

I felt strong in my walk, a half-smile on my face, my stride long-limbed and awkward, like it always is. As I smiled to myself, I caught people's reactions, and they noticed. They smiled as well. Young men on the train tried to catch my eye as if to say hmmm... who is that? (while women hilariously would look at me with hmmm...who does she think she is? haha.

I realized that for the past few months, I'd been trying to fit in. Trying to be someone. Trying to like the people that I meet at my workplace. Trying to make my job work despite so many odds against me here. The truth is going to sound very harsh, but..I don't like them. I don't like who I am around these people. I don't feel my job is enhancing who I am because these people aren't at all creative. I am happiest just being ME and living my life they way I want to and not letting things get to me.

I have a curious buzzing feeling, an energy that makes me realize that no matter how hard I've been with myself and what life has thrown at us, it's all part of my story, OUR story. I want to be a good person, a good wife, a good mum, and to just do my own thing. And yesterday I realized I can be all of those things.

I saw my future for a brief moment, unwrapping in front of me. I saw myself as who I really am, a strong, beautiful woman that is totally in love with her husband and her blessed life. I know that we're still trying to figure things out, but what an adventure it's been, and will be, always.

Oh, and the soundtrack on my iPod that day? Sigur Ros. These Icelandic boys are amazing, and one of their songs was my wedding processional (appropriate, since we got married in Iceland).

It was a good day, yesterday. One of the best.