It comes from somewhere.

There's a band called The Weepies, and on their latest album I've been addicted to this magical, quiet song with some of the most beautiful lyrics I've ever heard. It's a sublime little whisper of a melody, and I highly recommend it, lyrics are below.

I've been listening to it on and off because I've been a little bit introspective. The mister, as you know, travels incessantly for his job, and because he's a superstar at what he does, he feels compelled to go if someone asks him. It is a highly orchestrated chaotic life of timezones, sleepless nights, late nights out with colleagues, flights, love notes and missed phone calls. And I haven't seen him for a while, because he's been on a nonstop trip- first to Spain, then the US, then China, then back to Europe. We've seen each other just a few times this month, and the empty space beside me as I go to bed yearns for his tall frame to fill it. I make him laugh on the phone and I'm great at just getting on with it, but as soon as we whisper our "I love you" and hang up, I have to swallow my whimper, and tell the lump in my throat to go down. I go for a run, I go for a horseback ride, I clean the house...I just shove it all away and don't think about it. But when I lay my head down at night and he's not there, the house feels cavernous. Empty. Yeah, it's just goddamn hard.

I've had to dig deep for strength sometimes, since I've lived here. It's only the second year of our marriage, and I feel like we haven't settled yet, haven't created a routine, haven't seen each other enough. And to be in a strange city without my best friend a lot of times, it's tough. The few friends I have here, they have kids, so I don't see them very much. My parents-in-law are always there for me, but I don't feel right leaning on them too much. Sometimes I feel like I'm an invincible Superwoman, other times I feel like I'm a faint whisper on the breeze, just drifting, yearning to feel something grab a hold of me and pull me down. To need me.

It's not that I'm not happy, because we knew this would be a challenge, an adventure for us. But the times that I do see the mister, I just want to tie him down to a chair and force him to spend a month with me in the middle of nowhere. I want to monopolize him. I want our life to stop running away from us, just for a little while. But we can't. Because life keeps going forward and we just have to get on with it.

That being said, I'm so proud of the stories we're creating, what we're achieving, the challenges we're facing. And I remind myself that these crazy years will someday start slowing down, and someday, somehow, we'll have the life that we're working toward. The quiet life on a boat that we keep dreaming about...

I have to be strong and just keep walking forward, because, well, life would be boring if it were simple.

Yesterday, when you were young,
Everything you needed done was done for you.
Now you do it on your own
But you find you're all alone,
What can you do?

You and me walk on
Cause you can't go back now.

You know there will be days when you're so tired
that you can't take another step,
The night will have no stars and you'll think
you've gone as far as you will ever get

But you and me walk on
Cause you can't go back now
And yeah, yeah, go where you want to go
Be what you want to be,
If you ever turn around, you'll see me.

I can't really say why everybody wishes
they were somewhere else
But in the end, the only steps that matter
are the ones you take all by yourself

And you and me walk on
Yeah you and me walk on
Cause you can't go back now
Walk on, walk on, walk on
You can't go back now