I do NOT obsess. Do I? Why do I? Is that normal?

Yeah, ok. I obsess. And I'm trying to have a sense of humour about it.

I obsess because.. well, that's a side of my personality that's just like that. Plus, I am in a foreign country and I have no routine to cling to except my crazy job, my husband and my marriage. Well, and my sense of humour. I'm used to being self-reliant. And I feel very reliant on other people and circumstances right now, and that's tough.

When I'm working 12-hour days for people that demand me to be on call 24/7 in a country with so little daylight I might as well be a vampire, and feel wrung out like a dishtowel, my routine has very little flexibility. So I tend to believe that the mister, or someone else, will help create it for me. Will pamper me. Will figure out a routine for me. The fundamental problem with that is that with our work schedules, all we have is the weekend together. Routine? Hmm. Our life has never been routine, since the moment we met, got married shortly thereafter, moved countries and jobs twice, and moved homes 3 times. All in two years (though in a way, deep down, I think we perversely enjoy the challenges that we've been faced with- we're a pretty awesome team in that respect).

So, I start to obsess if things aren't exactly "just so". And not constructively. More like Chicken Little. I obsess over the times that we don't have, the plans that we can't make, the holidays that we can't take. Not because I try to be negative, but unfortunately, that's the solution in my personal equation: control freak+ stress + expectations-positive thinking= Negative Nancy. It's a bad habit that I have to get out of, because it gets a bit insidious in its negativity.

You know, you may think that these blogs aren't so much about my experiences in London, but about me finding out about myself as a person through Blogotherapy. And maybe that's a type of self-obsession, you could say. And people may think hmm. okaaaay.. I see that you need some venting, sheesh! But here's the truth: it's about all of it. It's my London Eye. It's my pure, uncensored current perspective. It's about how I learn about myself, my life, my place in this world, my husband, and our marriage. It's about all of the challenges and happiness and curiosities that I'm discovering. It's about learning how to figure out men (yeah, still working on that one) It's about my stories, my obsessions, my failures, my achievements, my hopes, my dreams, my insecurities and my love. And, as my friendly blogger Janet put it, it's about navigating the spaces in between.

I am a passionate person, an extremely empathetic person, an extremely emotional and demonstrative person. I take everything to heart. And I'm realising that my marriage is very similar, since both of us are very passionate and stubborn people who always do things 200%. And though the mister looks at me like I have three heads when I obsess when he does something that irritates me, he still encourages me to stop.

And listen.

And focus on the space. The positives. The moments of quiet. The bigger plan that we're both trying to achieve in this crazy world. It's the big picture that matters, and the moments that we spend with each other in between the lines, when we can.

But in the meantime, there's a lot to be said for writing down a few words here and there that help you see things more clearly. To appreciate a unique perspective. To learn about who you are. And to have a healthy laugh at your own expense.