*Why does that sound vaguely sexual? Or is it only me that has the filthy mind? Yeah, thought so. Oh well.
Okay, I'm feeling damn feisty.
Not in a bad way, either, so put your crash-helmets and body pads away.
For the past few days, I've been feeling really up, and then really down, and then a little bit loopy and absent-minded. Ugh, damn PMS. Just this morning, for example, the mister jokingly commented that I should probably brush my hair before work, and I literally felt like crying and strangling him both at the same time, while screaming obscenities.
Anyway, after I pulled myself together and he peeled himself off the ceiling (while saying yes, I do love this woman, oh how I love her under his breath), I walked to work and noticed something.
There's been an underlying current of feeling running through my thoughts, my actions, my feelings. Even during the days when I feel like I want to slap every other person that crosses my path, there's this tiny bit of electricity pushing me along. Poking me. Firing me up. And calming me down at the same time, oddly enough.
The only way I can describe it? Feistiness. Sarcasm. Bravery. Contentment.
Even when I have my moody episodes, I'm much more likely lately to acknowledge it to myself, or to the mister, deal with it without being hard on myself, and let it move on. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm still learning, I'm still mostly a neurotic stress-case, but for the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm more in the driver's seat about who I am and what I'm about- and for once, the emotions and the sensitivity and the moods don't cloud that windscreen. I've always been a tough cookie, but the fact that we've moved twice to different countries in 2 years maybe gave me an excuse to hide that part of me a bit, and spend that energy on discovering a new country, new digs, new jobs, new me. And maybe that part of me is coming out more. Wants to play and banter more. Recharged its batteries.
This is not the case with everything at the moment, it's just with me. My spirit. And that's the most important thing, I think. I realise that maybe some people learn about this earlier in life, and that's really amazing, but this is my timeline. This is my path (albeit I tend to walk off of it, get lost and bump into trees a lot).
I'd like to figure out where this came from, and why, and how I got here, but I think that would ruin it. It feels really good right now, so fuck it. I'll just leave it alone and let it be, for once.
3 comments:
One word...YAZ!
Oh wait this post wasn't really about PMS was it? I just couldn't get past that part. When I hear about PMS my mind imeediately locks down.
Yesterday my husband asked me to get him the remote that was across the room from me but 3 feet away from him and it took all my willpower not to throw it directly at his head.
I seriously think settling into a new country can make one a little more edgy.
I'll have some of whatever you're having.
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