Right. Get a grip.

In the "Convenient Theories for You" monthly newsletter, it says that apparently hormonal outbursts, crying for no reason and feeling negative is due to a hormonal surge. This surge happens around the 28th week of pregnancy because baby is running out of room in its studio apartment in there, so apparently my body decides to add an extension, thereby increasing a certain hormone to make my muscles relax.

Unfortunately, the muscles relaxing do not require a lovely hormone called "muscle relaxant", they require a different kind of hormone, which I prefer to call givemethatcookieoriwillsmotheryouinyoursleep-tocin.

I've been in a bit of a haze for a couple days. The only way I can describe it is by picturing yourself walking through a pea-soup fog, feeling out of breath and lethargic, road signs are only half written out and unclear, you have a vague feeling of marijuana haze (half-buzzed and happy, half paranoid), and the whole time you're in this world, you're trying to protect a fragile little glass figurine.

Sounds like a good script for Guillermo del Toro, if you ask me.

Luckily, I have my other half that walks right next to me and tries to help, but when it's foggy, I can barely see my own hand, let alone his. So I snap myself out of it. It's just that lately, it's gotten harder to do that.

My job is undergoing changes that are beyond my control, and it feels pretty defeating. These aren't "economic climate" changes, but shifts above me that directly affect me, and the timing couldn't be worse, considering I have a little one due in about 2 months. I feel like I'm being pulled and tugged in different directions like an overused ragdoll, and I can't seem to find a solution. I know it exists, I just can't see it, and that's frustrating me.

I'm getting more nervous about the birth. Silly, maybe. But still nervous. The mister and I sit there in our antenatal classes and while he's totally fascinated in that "little boy liking all the gross science stuff" kind of way, I sit there and think if she uses the words 'mucus plug' and 'anal winking'* one more time, I'm going to hurl. He's already started encouraging me to pack my hospital bag just to get organised. I've gotten as far as lip gloss and face cream.

I've also gotten into the habit of apologising to the little one for all the negativity that I focus on. I think it knows that I mean well, but I'm also imagining that now that its eyes are fully developed and blinking, it's doing the ohh puhleeze eye-roll maneuver when it hears me stress out. I feed it a homemade brownie (my latest craving) as a guilt present.

So, in light of all of this, we decided to take a break and go away soon. We're disappearing for a bit and shutting off, as this will be our last big "just the two of us" holiday for a good while. I can't wait to feel the sun on my face, the sand under my feet, holding the mister's hand and seeing a completely clear horizon.

At the moment, another brownie will have to do.

*I swear this is a real term/occurrence during labor, but I apologise if I've just put someone off their lunch. Or their own body parts.