Forget Chinese New Year. Apparently, 2010 is the Year of The Cheater.

I don't know what's in the air, or in the water, but there's obviously something itching in someone's pants.

Everywhere I look, the front page news (both here and over in the US) is heralding the death of another relationship. Some of them only a handful of years old, some of them 25-plus. Some of them split up for "amicable reasons", some of them admit to having affairs. Doesn't matter how long or short, it seems that no one has any need to work at anything anymore.

Yes, I sound judgmental and old-fashioned. I don't profess to know anyone's story, anyone's baggage, anyone's circumstances. But, as this blog is from my point of view, I'd like to share my two cents.

So, here's the question I have: How did we get to a point where people call it quits when the going gets tough? Or the partnership gets boring? Or stale? Or you want to upgrade to a younger model?

It's not just about marriage. It's being with someone long enough that you've gone through some major stuff together. You've been a witness to another person's triumphs, failings and bleakest moments. You've planned adventures. Shared dreams. Supported ideas that you weren't too sure about (but you did anyway). You made each other laugh. You kissed each other goodnight. You smiled that secret smile that only the other knew.

So what makes you give all that up? What makes you get bored to the point where you kiss someone else or make someone else laugh? Or just want to leave?

I don't get it.

"Well, we just drifted apart.."
"He/she worked long hours, and I got bored. I needed attention."
"We just became different people."
"I have no idea why. I just did. And now I regret it. "
"I was tempted. I'm only human."

Bullshit. There's always a way to make something right, make something better.

I don't think there's any earthly reason to rip someones heart out like that. Have some cojones. If you really think there's nothing worth saving in so many years spent with someone, then suck it up and tell it like it is. Say it. Talk about it. Be honest, before you start being polite to each other and start looking elsewhere for help.

The hard part is working at it. We're all human, we all get tempted, we all get bored, we all get annoyed at the other person for little things. It's normal. But do you risk losing the promise that you made to someone just because you wanted 5 minutes to alleviate your boredom? Mmm... yeeahhh. Not buying it.

Why do I get so angry at stuff like this? Well, because I was that person.

In a nutshell? I was in a very serious relationship before I met the mister. It was long-term. For keeps. We made promises to each other that we probably shouldn't have. Or, more accurately, I shouldn't have.

We were together past the point of needing to be together. But I stayed because I thought "well, that's what you do. You stick around. It's the natural progression. He's the guy, right?" It was terrible of me to be so ambivalent, because that was the death of us. And that was the death of me for a long time. And I behaved quite badly. Emotionally, I tore us apart. Flattened us. Destroyed any trust and good will. And the whole time, I knew when it was time to say "enough". I knew what I needed to say. But I didn't. I decided to be polite, and while I smiled at him, I did things behind his back as an act of self-destruction. It was a horrible point in my life, but I don't regret it, because I came out of it with a crystallized awareness of who I am and what I wanted.

So, this is why, in a small way, I might have a small insight into the "reasons" that these people are giving as to why they cheated. And I still say it's all bullshit. If you really can't be bothered to work at a relationship, then you probably weren't meant to be with that person anyway. Please, just say it. Say the words that you most fear. I promise you, it will be much less painful than anything else you were planning on doing.

Give it a shot. Have some patience. Be nice to eachother. Find the love.