I'm slipping into this new, strange phase. Consumerism. Specifically "things" that make me sound highly materialistic: Shoes. New clothes. Scarves. A new coat.
Is it because my birthday came and went, I spent the money going to a salon and got my hair glossed and taken care of... and it started me down a dangerous path of more more more?
Is it because my hormones are going nuts?
Is it because I want to be selfish and not just think about kids and family all the time?
Is it because I work hard at being a mother and I feel I deserve it somehow?
All of the above, probably.
See, the thing is (calculated justification coming up....), I actually need a nice pair of black boots for winter. Leather. Riding-boot style. Something that goes over jeans or with skirts. Flat heel. I have a pair of brown, faded beat up boots that I've worn with everything, and a different colour would be nice. And my fake-Uggs have a hole in the bottom of them.
I don't have brown shoes. I really want a nice pair to wear with jeans. Wearing Converse all the time is okay, but it would nice nice not to look like I'm 15 sometimes.
I want a big, wooly scarf. A lovely huge one that I can wrap around my neck like a big wooly blanket. A beige one, ideally.
Okay. I let it all out. It feels nice to confess my want, though I always feel guilty for doing so. Our money needs to be spent on other things at the moment, but I can't help but ache for just a few things to tide me over for the winter. It's perversely a constant reminder of how careless I used to be about money, flitting here and there, buying things that I wanted, indulging my desire for pretty things. Most were good purchases. Some were impulse. It's the opposite of how I deal with money nowadays.
Maybe it's intrinsically vain for me to say "but I deserve it because I work so hard and I don't really spend money on me!" I don't really have a right to say that. The mister works damn hard at his job, but he never says "hey, I work 16 hour days every day, I need that shirt!!".
Maybe it's a woman thing. Maybe I shouldn't compare myself to anyone else. Maybe it's okay to want something you know you can't afford, because it makes you appreciate the stuff that you do have, and makes you reinvent how you use/wear things.
Or maybe I should just raise my hand and say out loud: "Hi. I'm Myshka. I have a mild obsession with shopping, and I make no apologies for it. Pleased to meet you. And I really like your shoes."
3 comments:
I can sooo relate to this post!! I have been driving myself crazy with all the things I have been wanting lately. And new black boots and brown shoes were at the top of my list! I did end up getting them this week, but I still have a very long list of other things I will just have to keep wishing for... Crazy how much it changes when we become a mom!
So after you left that comment on my last post about the bachelorette party, I thought to myself maybe my sister wouldn't like that since she is going back to school to be a teacher right now. I called her up and asked her. She thought the blog was funny and didn't really want to remove herself... but we thought maybe we should just incase. So thanks for the comment. I honestly might have never even thought about it till it was too late. Normally my sister would have never minded.
It's human. You're lovely. Treat ourself to one thing.
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