Breathless

Christmas seemed to go by in a whirlwind. But it was lovely... filled with leisurely bath times with the little one, family visiting for food and cuddles, walks in misty London mornings.

This year I feel that I've accomplished a hell of a lot. We have accomplished a lot. I have felt the pangs of failure, the drifting of time between my fingers, the swells of hope for the coming year and the new baby, the longing for more time with my beautiful little girl, not so little anymore.

Sometimes I feel as if even one second spent on lamenting or complaining would be bad karma, but sometimes it's a necessary evil, when you're a working parent trying to juggle all the balls in your arms. I always want more, I want life to give us more- more children, more love, more beautiful chaos... but with that comes the inevitable: more time, more space to indulge in each other, more quiet moments to take it all in and be thankful.

You're always told: life is what you make it. But really, sometimes I believe life is what makes you. You're molded by what it throws at you. If you react badly, you don't learn anything. It's like a really long road trip that keeps getting stalled by traffic and flat tires. You can't change the environment around you, but you can smile and joke and remember that at the end of the road, at the end of your life, you'll remember the sweetness in the chaos. Because that's the kind of person you've become.

I'm not a naturally positive person. I have to work at it. But when I let go and realise that life is too short, and that my time with my children and my husband is limited.. well, I'm compelled to choose the sweetness.

So here's to having a sweet 2011, and everything that comes along with it.