Talking killer geese

I swear, I can analyse dreams to the point of scary accuracy. I don't even have to know someone well, they can tell me what they dreamt about, and I can start telling them who they are, what they know and what they're afraid of. It's really fun. I do that for my own dreams every once in a while, but hey, who the hell really wants to pick themselves apart? It's more fun doing it for someone else..

But I've been stumped. I swear, this is the funniest dream I have had in a long time, which is a good sign that the Myshka's brain is very active and very kooky again, but it really threw me for a loop. I've been laughing about it all day, really.

Synopsis: I was chased, cornered, tackled and sat on by a 4-foot tall talking goose.

I'm not joking, I woke up feeling exhausted-- like I'd actually been running full-tilt away from a pack of angry, threatening geese.

Let me start from the beginning, then- and let me preface this by saying I do not take drugs, I wasn't drunk, nor do I have multiple personalities and live in some alternate reality:

The mister and I were in a field on some autumn day, just having a walk around, it was a large green field bordered on the edge with a thick forest. In the distance we saw a pond, and next to that pond a whole gaggle of HUGE geese where just hanging out, some sitting, some walking around- there were about thirty of them, and they were the size of a toddler, all hovering around 4-feet tall.

We started getting closer, to see how close we could get without disturbing any of them. While I was walking closer, at some point I noticed that Tom had gone off to take care of something somewhere, and after that point, I was aware that I was all alone in this field. Me and the geese.

I proceeded to get close enough to see their faces quite clearly. I was about 30 feet away when one of the geese started looking at me, and kept direct eye contact with me, so I stopped moving. It then started glaring (I have no idea if an animal can glare like a human, but this one was), and moving towards me. I started backing up, as it looked pretty upset.

Then, the goose started running after me, taking really long steps, and at first I thought it was funny as I was running away, but then I got quite anxious and panicky, and I started legging it through the field, yelling for the mister to help me.

Before I knew it, I felt a cold hard beak with rough teeth clamp down on my forearm and drag me down, tackling me to the grass, face first. This thing was freakishly strong and heavy, and proceeded to overpower me and sit on my back. I kept yelling, but all was quiet.

The goose then started talking. I know, I know. How do you think I feel, writing this?

It said to me: "Stop yelling, you're being ridiculous. Nothing is going to happen to you, so just calm down and I'm going to sit here for a while and rest."

Now, the duck was so heavy, I found it difficult to breathe, but I tried to take short, quick breaths, waiting for the mister to come and save me from this preposterous situation.

Then it sunk in that the goose was speaking to me. And I thought hell, when will I have the opportunity to speak to a talking animal again? I might as well as it a question (yes, I rationalize in my dreams as well).

So I proceeded to ask the best question that came to mind:

"Do animals like to be petted ad stroked and gushed over?"

And the goose actually answered. It said: "well, you'd be surprised. We've all decided to just put up with you humans because all of you are so insecure and need attention. We don't enjoy being petted, but we've all agreed to just deal with it because you feed us."

And as I lay there, pondering that question with a 4-foot goose sitting on my back, I turned my head and saw the mister's trainers out of the corner of my eye, and I was relieved that he had come to help me (probably thinking to himself.. "jesus. I leave you for two seconds..."

And then I woke up.

Don't make any conclusions about me, I'm a normal person with an active imagination.

Who happens to dream about oversized wildlife.