Love and other assumptions

Should I care what people think? Not really.

I’m in my early 30s. I roughly know what I want and who I am.

Do I care what people think though? Unfortunately, yes, sometimes I do.

Being pregnant with #2 is an interesting situation to be in, in this country. The ‘norm’ is: “two kids and you’re done!”. 2.5 kids, picket-fence perfect little family.

I don’t like, have never liked, being part of the cookie-cutter crowd. It’s not in my DNA. It’s not how I operate. And people repeating the same things make me fear the appearance of a little voice in my head saying... what if they're right? What if your body won't make any more babies?

I’ve never really noticed how my visceral objection would be to this kind of life until I fell pregnant with our second.

The reactions to our news were interesting, to say the least.

Oh... wow.. so soon... wow.

Oh, sure.. well.. congratulations are in order. Well done you, goodness.

Oh, good. You’ll have two, and now you’re done.

Oh dear.. lots of work ahead of you, that’s for sure.

Hmm.. wow. Interesting. Why the rush?

Gosh, where will you find the time? You’re both thinly stretched as it is...!

Mothers will always get strange feedback from family, friends and strangers. It’s what we all have to deal with. But maybe I have a low moron threshold. I feel like I want to grit my teeth and start justifying my actions to people about the kind of life I/we want to live, the kind of size that we want our family to be. Everyone’s “perfect” is different than everyone else’s. Why do I have to live according to someone else’s assumptions of perfect? Chaos, challenges, schedules, work, fun, adevntures and being parents. That’s our personal perfect.

To set the record straight, I will know when I’m done. I will. Not you. Not they. I will know. And 2 kids isn’t “it” for me/us. I realise that some things can’t be helped, but at the moment, and for the foreseeable future, I feel that my body isn’t done yet. It’s a strange yearning. An organic, feel-it-in-my-bones feeling. It's not something I can explain, but it is intense in its profundity.

Maybe it’s tempting fate to let that out there into the universe whilst baking #2... or maybe it’s just a nice thought to let go of and release more love into the world. More hope. More positivity. Maybe it's entirely normal for me to immerse myself this haze of pregnancy because of the complete miracle that it really is. I love it. I did last time, I do now, and I hope to repeat it again in the future.

Thing is, I just have too much love in my heart for my little burgeoning family to ever be in a standard box. It tends to radiate from my pores. Makes me feel really calm and content with the world. And I hope that we’re lucky enough to have as many kids as we feel we want, in order to give them all that kind of life, full of love and sweetness and hope and adventure.

So, to all the judgers: assume all you want. I’ll live my perfect the best I can, and you live yours.