Back home again. Good old London end of summer. Meaning: blustery winds, rainy and autumn chill in the air.
Not that I'm complaining.
It's good to be back. It's good to explore, just me and the kids. It's good to get back into figuring out what to do every day, where to go, what adventures to have.
I'm going back to work in a month, and I have to say, the thought feels unnatural. I don't really want to, but I know that it'll be good for my brain to do it. It makes me a more inspired, more creative mummy to come back home to my kids at the end of the day and put them to bed.
What makes me nervous about going back, is that I like having an exhausting day with them. I like sorting out battles and quelling tantrums. I like figuring out bathtime with two. Many people find these impossible challenges, and sometimes sure, they're ridiculous how-the-hell-do-I-do-this kind of challenges. But that's what I signed up for, and I can't imagine life without it. Without them needing me, wanting me, looking up to me to do the best I can for them.
With the baby still feeding at night, I don't know how I'll cope with being back at work and solving creative problems on very little sleep. I'm sure I'll manage, but potentially the cracks will show either in my work, or at home. But I keep daring myself to think positive and realise that whatever happens, I'll manage. We'll manage. The kids will be fine. The baby, for now, will sleep in the walk-in closet for lack of an additional bedroom. But that'll be fine too. Laundry will get done at some point, and so will the dishes. I won't need to work in an office forever. But for now, that's what I need to do. But I will realise that tidying up the house when I get back from work will become less of a priority when I have a toddler who looks at my weary face and says "wow, Mamo. I love you." That's what I think about when I put them to bed, not about Pantone and Powerpoints.
It's good to be back home.
