A lot of things happened in the space of 3 months.
I, ahem, quit my job to stay at home with the kids.
We moved out to a small village in the country. We don't know anyone here.
I was raining constantly until about a few days ago. Summer apparently doesn't exist in this country.
Yeah, all that hit me about 3 months after we moved. In a big giant raincloud of OH. NO.
It's not a big deal, but I felt well and truly isolated. My husband was still working 10 hour days, which means that though he has a long day, he still manages to get out of the house to do something.
Not that I don't, do anything, mind you... but still. Nothing changes for him except location. For me, my whole life shifted.
The aftermath is all positive, but I've had to adjust my way of thinking.
For someone who's worked their entire life, even after having kids, not having an office to go to started feeling a bit daunting. I started getting jealous of the mail delivery guy just because he could leave on a bike and see lots of different people and have a purpose at the end of the day. Delivering mail. Dude, if that's not the saddest thing you've ever heard, I don't know what is.
I started to finally get a hold of myself, because let's be honest, many many people have it much harder than me, and I need to get a grip and stop complaining.
The constant rain didn't help my mood and trying to entertain 2 kids under 3, but I pushed past it. I pushed past the isolation I felt not having friends and not having family around to help shoulder the childcare burden. I pushed past feeling distant from the husband. I pushed past the feelings of boredom. I pushed past the feelings of never having to make any "important" decisions other than which was the best price for detergent. I pushed past the financial sacrifices that we're making in order to start a business (another one). I pushed past it all and started, slowly, relishing the opportunity I was given.
I have a husband who, despite not seeing him very often, encourages me to stay at home and raise our family, no matter what it takes financially. I have a house and garden that is peaceful, safe and lovely. I have children who are much happier with me staying at home than they ever were with our nanny.
I just hope that my active brain doesn't get the better of me and start making me feel inadequate and disconnected from the "real" world. I hope that I can just enjoy this time, because I know it'll be fleeting.
I guess I just don't sit still for long.
