Calm before the storm

A couple weeks ago, something interesting happened.

I was walking into town, tending to a few appointments, organising the week ahead. As usual, I encountered the requisite number of morons and rude people, most of whom are the type to never offer me a seat on the bus or train (don't worry, I have absolutely NO problem speaking up very loudly and asking for a seat). I also managed to trip up the stairs at one point, and several times I dropped my handbag, spilling its contents onto the pavement- all due to my clumsy pregnant self.

And for the first time, I didn't really care.

I've notice a weird serenity hang around me all the time. I'm not without my small weepy episodes mind you, but on average, I'm seemingly blissfully unaware about this little creature that's preparing to shoot out of my lower half in less than 3 weeks.

We haven't set up the nursery yet. My hospital bag is almost packed (the important things like makeup and face cream are already in there- oh, the vanity...). We still have some last minute things to sort out, last minute dinners to organise, friends to see, trips to take, and my birthday is rapidly approaching this weekend. Should I make a To Do list? Probably. Have I? Nope.

I need to wax rhapsodic for a bit. Bear with me.

I've entered this blissful state of reverie, as if I'm looking back at my life and watching a montage. A kaleidoscope of amazing moments and private jokes and adventures. I look back at my life when I was 16, 22, 28, 30.. I feel like I've lived so many lives already. But where I am now, living my life with the person who gives me butterflies every day, amazed at this little thing that we made.. this is the best of the best. I can honestly say I've never been happier than I am now, and I swear it just keeps getting better, if that's even possible.

I'm still learning. Still growing. Still adding pages to the book of me. Of us. But this new adventure completely astounds me in its profundity. My heart is so heavy with emotion and wonder, I seriously think I could sit on my ass all day (which isn't a difficult thing to do for me at this point) and write about it.

I'm very lucky to have the partner that I do. He made the past 8 months (well, to be honest, 3.5 years) go by so smoothly. The songs he's written, the notes he's left, the dinners he's cooked, the times that he's stayed up with me at 3am massaging my feet and talking to me when I couldn't sleep. He's made my smile wider, and for that I remind myself how incredibly blessed I am to have his hand to hold.

I'm sitting here with mild back pain, aches and pains and kung-fu kicks to my ribs. Odd combination. I'm finding myself walking slower, feeling more tired. I'm now technically full-term, little fish now has its head in the firing position, so the days are now going by at lightning speed, tinged with a bit of excitement (and not a tiny bit of melancholy).

I've reached the end of the road so to speak- the end of one part our of our life and the beginning of a new one. And yet I walk into the unknown with a glazed, euphoric look on my face, knowing that soon enough, my heart will expand to a size that I never knew was possible.*

* Though I'm hoping my ass will shrink back to normal.