Who said that? Oh it's me again.

Sometimes I forget that I'm not 31 and newly married and living in a foreign country.

It was all razzamatazz for a while. All whiskey wishes and caviar dreams. Party until 3am. Flashy apartments. Trips of a lifetime. Sex 3 times a day.

Now we have kids and live out in the country. Lots of those things are decent memories (yes, including the thing that you think will NEVER disappear. It does. Unfortunately.) When the hell did that page turn?!

Anyway, enough about the change. It's about embracing it and discovering this new suburban/rural life.

The women here? Not so scary. I thought to myself that the glossy-haired brigade would be out in full force at the school drop-off and pickup. But no, but no. These are normal, jeans-n-t-shirt wearing ladies with hair in ponytails and no 5-carat diamonds weighing their finger down. Granted, they were still very well ensconced in their comfortable group, but they didn't exactly talk about me behind my back because I was wearing a Led Zeppelin t-shirt and black nail varnish. They were civil. Almost kind, even.

I feel very far away from everyone. Now, I will enhance that phrase with the fact that I have never really had any family of friends (my own) over here. My family has always been my in-laws, and my friends have always been my other half's friends' wives/girlfriends. I have one friend that I met a couple years ago here, and that isn't a very constant relationship. Add to that a husband that works 12 hour days, and, well... wine is my friend. Now that we live an hour outside of London (and the girls I know all have their own lives and own kids), I have to figure it out on my own. It isn't the easiest thing in the world, and there are only so many Lego houses I can build, but I have surprisingly embraced it. I love my little gang. I love my house, and my life, and this little haven of domesticity. Coming from someone who always said I would never have kids and used to work and party to exhaustion... well, that's saying a lot.

It's no big secret that I want lots of kids. I was an only chid, so it could be something from that. Or it could be that I just enjoy being a mum and creating routines for these little people to flourish under. I think I'm possibly better at this than many other things that I've done in my life. My ovaries just keep aching when I see pudgy hands and velvety cheeks. I've also realised that life is much more than owning the best car and the best clothes and the best sparkly jewellery. It's more than having a desk job and a predictable existence. Life is about risk and adventure and passion. And if I life a life without those things, I know I'll regret it. Children are a risk and an adventure. They make life messy and chaotic and ridiculous. And I want more and more of it. We'll see what we're blessed with.

Helping run a business is not an easy feat. It's exhausting and stressful and can be destructive to a relationship if you're not really tuned into eachother. My other half runs a pretty successful business, which is hard enough, but we're attempting to launch another one this autumn. I'm much more involved in the latter than the former. But both are intense. And although it's been a unique learning experience, I'm not sure I would reccommend it to couples. Especially ones with 2 children under 3.

Rent or buy, rent or buy?!? That's our next chapter. We've always rented, because we've never found a place where we wanted to settle. And now that we have.... well, the market hasn't improved, so do we risk buying? Or do we keep renting until it's less risky and houses are worth more to sell later on? We want to put down some roots here leafy-ville, but with the banks having horrific track records, we're definitely not going to put ourselves at risk and use our savings to get us out of the various mortage fluctuations. Moving every year isn't a nice thing to have to go through, but maybe better than putting down XXXXXXK for the house we want. We'll get there someday. But at the moment, being off the grid is a better option than being beholden to a 40-year contract.

Living frugally is easier than I expected. Who knew that you could make bread pudding from leftover breakfast toast crusts? Or beans and rice was so healthy? Oh, and refrigerator salad is totally a speciality of mine- whatever leftovers you have, throw it into a salad with some homemade dressing. It's yummier than I expected.

Well, there you go. A catchup post in the hope that it will spur me on to write a bit more frequently. Stay tuned. Must go now and tend to my neglected little ones that are currently playing with a brick and a pair of scissors. Great.