If you don't go through the chair, you won't learn anything.

When I was in theatre school in New York, my acting coach did this exercise with my class: we had to walk diagonally from one corner of the room to the other. But he put a chair right in the centre of the room. So, most people, including myself, walked around the chair, getting from one corner to the other.

Wrong, he said. Instead of seeing the chair as the obstacle that you have to get around, see it as the thing that is making you learn something. And use it to get from point A to point B.

So I went first, and walked towards it, stepped on it, stepped down, and kept walking towards the other corner.

Yes, he said.

I never forgot that lesson, to this day. And yesterday I used it.

I was facing a difficult decision: I was offered a job that isn't entirely right up my alley, but it sounded interesting and it would give me a good career move, or; I could take a freelance gig for a month and see what other permanent jobs would come up in a month's time (if any).

I was writing lists of pros and cons (both lists turned out to be equal), I was pacing, I was panicking... I had to let them know soon, and I was running out of time. I started to cry, because I felt totally overwhelmed and pathetically indecisive. The mister, as supportive as he was being, and as much as he would listen to me rant and freak out, he was starting to get fed up with me and said "stop stressing, you're not accomplishing anything. At some point, no matter how frustrated you feel, you will have to make a decision, and no one can do that for you."

He was right. I got it together. And I thought of my chair. What could I do with it? How could I manage to get through it? How could I take back control and not let circumstances control me?

So this morning I put in a call to my potential future boss (someone who really doesn't have time to take calls from someone like me on the weekend), and I had all my fears answered. And he took the time to hear me. And I took back control and made myself feel better. All by myself.

So no matter what decision I make about this, I finally realized that I have absolutely no fear of whatever happens- I used the obstacle and made it malleable. I made it work for me, and learning how to do that was the best thing I've done in a very very long time.

I'll keep you posted on what happens. Watch this space.